Israeli-Palestinian Politics

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

An Italian - throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit
of rage.

A German - carefully washes the copy, sterilizes it and makes a
new cup of coffee.

A Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

A Chinese person - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

A Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra
with no charge.

An Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the
Chinese, drinks tea and uses the extra money to invent a device
that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

A Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his
coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan
from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the
money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house
where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the
Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should
give away his cup of tea to the Palestinian.

Russian Military Strategy

At the Russian military academy, a General gave a lecture on "Potential Problems and Military Strategy". At the end of the lecture he asked if there are any questions.

An officer stood up and asked: "Will there be a third world war? Will Russia take part in it?"

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.

The officer asked: "Who will be the enemy?"

The General: "All indications point to China."

All the audience is shocked, the officer asks: "General, we are only 250 million, but there are 1,500 million Chinese. Can we win at all?"

The General: "Just think about this. In modern warfare, it is not the quantity that matters but the quality. For example in the middle east we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 50 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."

After a small pause the officer asked, "Do we have enough Jews???"

Secret to Reaching Old Age

A doctor on his morning walk noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every other day, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.