"Hey baby, hurry up and write down your phone number before I don't want it anymore."
"No wonder the sky is gray today, all the blue is in your eyes."
"If I told you that you have a great body would you hold it against me?
"Whoa, I thought I had ALREADY met the most beautiful girl in this place!
"I know milk does a body good, but have you been overdosing?"
"Hey Baby, You have calves that would make any cow jealous."
"As long as you are here, would you mind helping me burp the air out of my water bed?"
"How do you want your eggs in the morning? How about fertilized?"
"I'm sorry, I'm new in town...Could you please give me directions to your place?"
"Do you believe in Love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?"
"Got a name? Or shall I call you mine?"
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Little Johnny's Psych Lesson
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Shrink Joke
The psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "That old patient, Jack, is in the waiting room asking to see you again. This time he claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
Sentence Structure Matters!
Why Sentence structure is so important...
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you please jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap today."
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you please jack off?" she says. "I feel like crap today."
Hard of Hearing Wife
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do"?
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question, until she hears you. Then, you'll come back here and tell me the result and I can recommend something"
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey"?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer.
Finally, he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner"?
She replies, "For the fourth time, I said chicken!"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question, until she hears you. Then, you'll come back here and tell me the result and I can recommend something"
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey"?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer.
Finally, he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner"?
She replies, "For the fourth time, I said chicken!"
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