Offensive St. Patrick's Day Jokes

How does Irish Anonymous function?
If you feel like going on the wagon, a couple of drunks bring over a bottle.

****

The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

****

How can you tell if an Irishman found a $10 bill?
Smell his breath.

****

O'Riley walked into the bedroom to find his wife rolling in the hay with another man. "What in the name of St. Paddy is going on? Who is this man?"

His wife thought for a moment, then said, "That's a fair question." She turned to the other man and asked, "What's your name?"

****

Paddy visited his parents the day after his wedding. His father took him aside and asked, "How did it go last night, son?"

Paddy winked and elbowed his dad. "Gee, great. You know, the way she was acting, I think I could have screwed her."

****

Define a problem drinker in Ireland.
A guy who never buys.

****

Why don't they cremate Irishmen?
The last time they tried, it took a week to put out the fire.