Things You'll Hear Only in the South . . .

Exclamations . . .
"Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"

Threats . . .
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments . . .
"Cute as a sack full of puppies"
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits"

The Weather . . .
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot".

Descriptions . . .
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off".
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count".
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats".
He ran "like his feet was on fire and his ass was a-catchin".
A hectic schedule keeps you "busier than a cat covering crap on a marble
floor".

Insults . . .
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits"

(Any insulting statement is always followed by "Bless his/her heart".)