The sheriff of a small town in the South was less than cooperative with the local Jewish community.
One day a dead mule was found on the front steps of the synagogue. Rabbi Meltzer quickly called the police.
The sheriff answered and said, "Well, you have a dead mule. I thought you Rabbis take care of the dead."
"Of course we do," said Meltzer. "But it is proper and customary to first get in touch with their immediate family.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Conversational Latin 101
Die dulci fruere.
Have a nice day.
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.
Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!
Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Illiud Latine dici non potest.
You can't say that in Latin.
Vidistine nuper imagines moventes bonas?
Seen any good movies lately?
Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.
Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!
Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.
Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Radix lecti
Couch potato
Have a nice day.
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.
Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!
Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Illiud Latine dici non potest.
You can't say that in Latin.
Vidistine nuper imagines moventes bonas?
Seen any good movies lately?
Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.
Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!
Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.
Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Radix lecti
Couch potato
Deathbed Wish
Mary was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband, David.
"David, you've been so good to me all these years. I know you never even thought about another woman. But now that I'm going, I want you to marry again as soon as is possible and I want you to give your new wife all my expensive clothes,"
"I can't do that, darling" David said. "You're a size 12 and she's only a 6."
"David, you've been so good to me all these years. I know you never even thought about another woman. But now that I'm going, I want you to marry again as soon as is possible and I want you to give your new wife all my expensive clothes,"
"I can't do that, darling" David said. "You're a size 12 and she's only a 6."
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