Engineers

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
categories:

(1) things that need to be fixed, and
(2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
...

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below:

"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
...

EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS

* Hindenberg
* Space Shuttle Challenger
* Hubble space telescope
* Apollo 13
* Titanic
* Ford Pinto
* Corvair

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.

REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
...

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

* How smart they are
* How many cool devices they own

Trials of Age

Three older women were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood." She raps her knuckles on the table, then she says "That must be the door, I'll get it."