Things Clients Say About Advertising and What They Really Mean

We want a slogan like "Just Do It"
Translation: We want to be the Nike of plumbing accessories.

We don't want your creativity to be constrained by a budget.
Translation: We are bankrupt.

Make the logo bigger.
Translation: You advertising people are all the same. All you want is to do some hoity-toity ad that's going to win you awards, take you to Miami on some overpriced photo shoot so you can do cocaine and spend my company's money on Bordeaux and osso bucco at four-star restaurants. Well, I'm on to your game. I may not know your fancy ad-talk, and I may not be able to figure out where you've hidden all the money for your hedonistic debauchery in my ad budget. But I do know one thing: people love my logo, dammit, and they want to see it. Personally, if it were up to me, I'd just buy a super-powered laser and project my logo on the moon. But since I can't, for now I'm stuck with you people.

We want a 'bite and smile' shot.
Translation: Even 'Ogilvy On Advertising' is too avant garde for me.

Which one of you is the writer?
Translation: We hate the copy.

Which one of you is the art director?
Translation: We want the logo bigger.

We'd like you to have a look at what Europe is doing with this brand.
Translation: You don't have an igloo's chance in hell of ever seeing this
commercial produced.

Here's how I think the headline should go:
Translation: I am a frustrated ex-English major.

We had a lot of learning on this one.
Translation: I have no clue about production costs. I am hoping to score points with my boss and save money by eliminating those expensive backgrounds.

I love the layout.
Translation: I hate the idea.

(In an ad with a group shot) I think we should have a black person in this group shot.
Translation: I am white.

(In an ad with only one person) Why is the person in this ad black?
Translation: I am white.

I hope you guys didn't have to work all weekend on this!
Translation: The power I have over you amuses me.