Dice

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm topless."

With that she strips naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new bra!"

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"

With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"

The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

16. "I finished the Oreos."

15. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

14. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess Pamela Lee had two kids!!

13. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

12. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

11. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella."

10. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta
hurt."

9. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

8. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth ?"

7. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

6. "Get your own ice cream."

5. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...

1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

Top 10 Reasons Christian Missionaries Give Jews to Get Them to Convert

Top 10 Reasons Christian Missionaries Give Jews to Get Them to Convert

10. Much wider selection in crucifix jewelry than Star of David jewelry.

9. In addition to the Almighty, you also get to pray to statues. (Catholicism)

8. Our fasts may last 40 days, but you have to give up only one thing. So, give up peanuts; they're constipating anyway.

7. The UJA will finally stop calling you.

6. Three, three, three gods in one!

5. Ahmadinejad won’t get you quite as worked up.

4. Now, YOU get to blame those damn Jews for killing Christ.

3. Two words: Bacon. Lobster.

2. You can go to Mel Gibson movies again.

1. Sure, you lose your share of the banks and the media, but you get a second Bible absolutely free!