Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

16. "I finished the Oreos."

15. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

14. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess Pamela Lee had two kids!!

13. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

12. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

11. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from
that Richard Simmons fella."

10. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta
hurt."

9. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

8. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth ?"

7. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

6. "Get your own ice cream."

5. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...

1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"