Paddy and Murphy were working at a building site when Paddy had
his ear chopped off.
"I'll find it," said Murphy, "and put it in ice so it can be sewed
back on."
"Thankee, Murphy," said Paddy.
"Here it is!" said Murphy. "I've found it!"
"That's not my ear," said Paddy. "My ear had a pencil behind it!"
----------------
Paddy and Murphy stumble out of a pub at about 4:00 in the morning.
They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when
along comes a policeman. Paddy pipes up, "A'scuse me, ossifer,
but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has
left yet."
To which the policeman replies, "Of course it has. It's four
o'clock in the mornin'."
Murphy then weighs in and says, "Sorry, sir, but I be wonderin'
if the last bus to Galway has left yet."
The officer again replies, "Of course it has! It's four o'clock
in the bleedin' mornin'!"
Paddy then starts up again and asks, "Could you tell me please,
ossifer, has the last bus to Cork gone yet?"
The policeman is really irritated now so he shouts, "It's four
in the bloody a.m., and all the fookin' buses have gone!"
And with that Paddy turns to his friend and sa
ys, "Okay, Murphy, we can cross the road now."
----------------
Paddy and Murphy were standing at the top of a cliff.
Paddy says, "Murphy, can you see that there beautiful forest
down there?"
Murphy replies, "Nah, all them feckin trees are in the way!"
----------------
Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station
when they saw a sign saying "SCOTTISH RAPIST WANTED".
Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Aye, but don't the Scots get
all the good jobs!"
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